dream

So the other night i had i kinda strange dream. well i guess any dream i actually remember end up being strange in someway or another. Anyway, the dream starts out with me and a few of my friends hanging out on top of some dunes above the beach. For some reason my one friend has her laptop with her i'm trying to put some roms on it for her but i cant find them on the flash drive i'm using. (iv heard that any writing you see in dreams is backwards or unreadable or something but everything on the laptop seemed fine in this dream.) as i'm doing this some surfers come up from the beach saying the waves are getting to big and its dangerous. right after them a wave washes up almost to the top of the dunes where we are. me and my friends are all thrilled and cant wait to get into the water, i though the laptop in a bad and put it on a hill just a bit high than the last wave was and start down the dunes to the beach. For some reason i find my self going down the dunes like a waterside but have to stop because the path is blocked a ways down the dunes. i end up running down the rest of the was to the beach and the waves are huge. then i wake up.
i thought it was an odd dream and just though i would share. i doubt it means anything but i may try interpreting it one day.

fake smiles

Fake Smiles

The fall of night starts it again
Finally out looking for a friend
Some are found but are they true
They don’t even speak to you
Strange and familiar faces all around
Pointless talk is the only sound
People leave and then you follow
Hopes for the night have become so hollow
Back in the crowd, yet all alone
Inside you ace and moan
Drifting for the crowds edge
Inside your head you’re at a ledge
You see a smile and reflect one back
Emotion is what yours dose lack
That smile wasn’t meant for you
Another mistake but that you already knew
Empty smiles hurt so much
In your pocket your fist does clutch
Still pretending and wearing that smile
Inside you hurt and your faces lie feels vial
On the sidelines your fake smile shows
Will it catch someone eye, who really knows?
Alone again you walk away
A wasted smile, a wasted day

busy

Iv been a little to busy with work to post the past day or two but i should have some time to put something new up later. I have another early day at work tomorrow. i hope it goes better that today did. For now i just need sleep because i didn't get any at all last night.

who to be

who to be

I am not who I want to be

I do not feel like me



I‘ve been molded by society

and the rules are controlling me

I’ve not been who I want to be

I wish I knew what I want for me



I want more determination

but I wonder if within the duration

of the rest of the time I have left

will I be me or will death take my life by theft



I may change my life one day

and maybe then I will know what to say

Dark Thoughts

Dark Thoughts

Dark thoughts fill my head
I fear they will stay till I am dead
What they are I cannot say
For if I do I’ll be locked away

My greatest fear is losing control
Pain and suffering to others, the toll
For now I try to keep myself restrain
Struggling within just to stay a bit sane

I think back now, when did it all start?
Thoughts and dreams of evil and crimson art
Has black always been the color of my heart?
As a child so kind then inside I fell apart

Innocent and young only wanting to please
For the whole world I gave my best
But in the end a happy life was a cruel tease
Betrayed and abandoned by one, soon all the rest

How will this all end?
Is there hope for me?
Can my mind and heart mend?
To end this what is the key?

FFXIII

Well i finally beat Final Fantasy 13 and it only took me 56 hours. Ha ha a good waste of my time only because i beat my friend to the end. He had a head state because i didn't even have a system that could play it till a few weeks after he got the game but right now his system is broken and waiting for to get fixed so i guess its even.

All and all it was an OK game, i didn't like it as much as i liked some of the older FF games. I didn't really care to much for any of the main characters and there was little free will in the game. For the most part you only had one way to go with no options. just keep walking down the path with the story line and no free exploring allowed, at least untill you got to go back to grand pulse but even that was limited. with any luck the next one will be better, not counting 14 or any other of the online ones. I'm not really a mmorpg type of guy. They have no real goals or ends. it takes forever to level and to actualy get anywhere and im not really into needing groups of ppl to fight with me to actualy kill anything.

Time for some zombie killing. Left4Dead!

Friends...

Friends have gone

Friends always drift day by day
Until they are so far away
Can they even come back once more?
Kind words fail to open that door
Many leave and don’t look back
Yet another friend gone, what is it I lack
Life really does hate me
Isolation and is the future I see
Forever alone is the greatest pain
Echoes of the past are all that remain